Roots of Friendship

If I close my eyes and let my mind wander, I can hear the voices of my Brownie Troop singing out with pride during our graduation ceremony in our angelic child voices:

Make new friends,

but keep the old.

One is silver,

the other is gold.

A circle is round,

it has no end.

That's how long,

I will be your friend.

It is a moment that made an impression on my very being; and as a military child, the words rang true. I valued each friend I had during my childhood. Moving every two to three years forced me to realize the shortness of friendship and the brevity of keeping friends close even when states or continents separated us. They were my childhood sounding boards. Some were my “giggle partners in crime” during class, others were my “heart throb” compadres…we adored the same actors and swooned over the teen magazines just to catch glimpses of them (Top Gun left me wanting Tom Cruise to “Take My Breath Away”), and some were just the right shoulder to cry on when the high school drama hit a little too close to home. It is interesting and sad, however, that now that I reflect upon these gals, only a handful still remain in my life today and they all had such an impact on me. Friendships are funny like that. God provides us with the right people at just the right times, no matter how young or old we are.

You have one hand,

I have the other.

Put them together,

We have each other.

You help me,

and I'll help you

and together

we will see it through.

As a child, I remember singing those verses and laughing as I sang and swung the hands of those standing next to me. Not because I was disrespectful, but because I honestly did not understand the impact those words would have until I lived the life of a military spouse. Friendships are like flowers in a garden. They need to be groomed, cultivated, respected, and cherished. The blooms are delicate, but the root system strong. It gets harder to open ourselves to new friends, especially when we have endured painful farewells of our “best of friends”, but if we choose not to, or roots become bound and slowly wither. As military spouses, we must look at making new friends as a necessity for sustaining and nurturing our souls, along with the wonderful gifts that God has given to us. We go through more hardships in one tour (deployments, unexpected IA’s, distance from extended family) than most people go through in a lifetime.

I know that with each tour, I have had friends that have been just right for being my adult life sounding board. They are the gals who sit through chick flicks with me even though we just sobbed at the pier as we watched a carrier take our gentlemen away, ones who giggled over my stories of teaching even though they themselves had never stood in front of seventh and eighth graders (aka walking hormones with feet) to attempt to teach a literature lesson followed by *groan* a grammar lesson. As we added children to our lives, these are the friends that knew just when to bring over a cup of coffee after a long night with a newborn or come visit after a significant milestone had been reached (my son’s 1st day of kindergarten nearly killed me emotionally, thank goodness for a dear friend who brought me lunch and my favorite dessert!). These are also the gals whose husbands and children had the perfect fit for mine…the conversations easy, the dinners wonderful, outings to the beach and hikes are effortless, and the laughter overflowing.

It is not easy; it is scary to open our hearts to allow new people in where maybe another stood before they were moved to their new military adventure. Consequently, we are never replacing those people. They have already engrained themselves and written their story on our hearts. Theirs is the new growth springing forth from our roots, rea

dy to share what they gained from us with others.

Friendship. It is like the sunshine that God brings after a hard rain. We all need it. We all deserve it.